As I began research for this post, I was shocked to discover that the word “divorce” is the highest searched word on google at 245,939 searches a month! Imagine, I typed in how to make your marriage stronger and instead of finding encouraging, helpful keywords, divorce was the top trending word!
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It is so sad that in our society today, divorce is consider the answer to marital problems versus comitting to marital vows and taking necessary steps to resolve the issues.
Maybe the thought of divorce has crossed your mind in the last week, maybe you are actively seeking one. Maybe you yourself have thought of marriage or relationship counseling.
Maybe you can’t understand why you are having all these marriage problems. How did something that started out so beautifully turn out so tragic you wonder.
Well don’t give up just yet! There is hope! I want to introduce you to this absolutely fantastic book that I’ve been reading for the past month. No, I’m not a slow reader, just have million things to do, I’m sure you understand!
The 5 Love Languages Review
It’s called The 5 Love Languages and it’s written by Dr. Gary Chapman. A counselor, Dr. Chapman has counseled thousands of struggling couples over the years and is a prolific writer. I would love to have his dossier!
He has helped many spouses save their marriage by implementing these five love languages he says we all have. They are acts of service, receiving gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time.
Here is a brief explanation of what each love language means:
Acts of Service:
Has anyone ever said to you, “Actions speak louder than words?'” That might give you a hint into what their love language is. They don’t want you to simply tell them you love them, you need to SHOW them. You need to actively DO something for that person that they would appreciate.
Well I don’t think I have to explain this one, these people LOVE gifts!!! My love language is receiving gifts and let me tell you it makes me feel special to receive ANY gift. It can be as small as a dandelion from my 2 year old to a plane ticket for a vacay or some nice jewelry.
Words of Affirmation:
A person with this love language loves to hear positive, affirming words from their spouse. A little “I’m proud of you!” and “good job on taking out the trash,” goes a long way.
Does your spouse ever complain, “You don’t ever hug me or kiss me?” Then their language might be physical touch. They love cuddles by the fire, a playful pat on the butt as you walk by, and of course sex.
This is another of my love languages. A person who loves quality time wants just that, QUALITY time. This means, no scrolling on your phone if you are watching a movie TOGETHER. This means scheduling little dates to the local coffee house for an hour long chat. It could also mean doing an activity with her such as an art painting simply because she enjoys it.
How to Tell What My Spouse’s Love Language Is
It may be easy for you to figure out your love language, but how do you know what your spouse’s love language is? It’s pretty simple really if you start listening. Does he complain that supper is never ready or that he can’t find any clean socks? Then his love language may be acts of service. Does she complain that you never talk to her? Then her love language maybe quality time.
Does he always want sex when you are just feeling exhausted? His love language may be physical touch. Does your spouse immediately demonstrate a better mood and cheerful attitude when you compliment him on something? HIs love language may be words of affirmation.
Does she complain that she never gets anything for mother’s day or at all? Her love language may be receiving gifts. And the list goes on. Now please keep in mind that this does not mean you are a terrible person. It may simply mean that you are showing your love in your own love language instead of your spouse’s!
In fact this is another way to figure out your spouse’s love language. What do they most often do for you? Does he work long and hard and make sure you are well provided for? Does he take out the trash without asking or help get the kiddos ready? His love language might be acts of service. It’s important to realize that you may not appreciate what he does as much as he THINKS you do. Instead you may want him to stop working so many hours and spend some time with the family if your love language is quality time.
Why Do Marriages Succeed or Fail?
I believe a lot of marriages succeed or fail dependent on whether or not a couple’s love language is being met. Of course, there are other factors that play into this, but as I stated previously Dr. Chapman has assisted 1000s in saving their marriage this way. I have been intentionally implementing and trying to meet our love languages since reading this book.
So I pretty much know that my husband’s main love language is words of affirmation. He will definitely tell me when he doesn’t feel supported. I try and make sure I tell him I’m proud of him all the time and how much I appreciate his hard work.
On the other hand, I often want his love demonstrated through acts of service such as putting my 2 year old to sleep or playing with the kiddos so I can blog. This means more to me than him saying “I love you, babe.”
Practicing the 5 Love Languages
Here is a quick summary of how I met both of our love languages in an everyday situation. My hubs is currently working out of state, an 11 hour drive from us! So we decided to pay him a surprise visit and boy was he shocked and happy to see us! Think of this as a physical affirmation to him that we truly loved him!
He still had his regular work days when we were there, but he really wanted to see us during the day and asked if we would bring lunch for him (acts of service). I of course didn’t mind. In fact, I spent the morning baking and packed up a cute vegetarian picnic of avocadoes, bananas, pomegranate juice, and quiche. He is currently vegetarian so making sure he could eat everything was also demonstrating my love.
Then I dressed the kiddos and drove 15 minutes to meet him at a park in the town where he was working. He was so surprised to see the lunch we had brought him and stated that sincerely thought I was going to bring oranges and bananas for lunch and then leave.
Instead we had an enjoyable time enjoying the brisk, nippy spring weather-he joked that the quiche was actually good, it was my first time trying this recipe. We tried to play hopscotch-couldn’t remember the rules, rode the slide of death, and generally acted like little monkeys. After a quick bathroom break, we left a very happy hubby!
Why You Should Read the 5 Love Languages
If you are considering marriage or relationship counseling, you may want to read Dr. Chapman’s book first. It may just be the answer to the issues you are experiencing!
My husband’s reaction to me meeting his love language was positive. Best of all, he doesn’t realize that I am implementing strategies that I’ve learned from the book! In fact, I encourage you to experiment in this way and see what happens. It’s also important to realize that I did not have to go all out to meet my hubby’s love language of acts of service. He would have been just as happy if I had simply brought him lunch. However, in going the extra mile I also met my love language, quality time.
In conclusion, I hope you accept my challenge to read this book and practice showing your hubby or boyfriend that you truly love them by speaking and acting in their love language. I already recommended to my hubs that he read this book! Divorce is not an option for us and I simply love creative ways to meet marriage problems. Thanks for reading with me!
Ta ta! Sincerely, Mrs. G